Fudanshi
by viscomica
Summary: AU   Naruto's got a dark, dark secret that has something  or maybe everything  to do with reading yaoi.   Main pairings: SasuNaru and GaaNaru
1. The beginning

Fudanshi = a boy who enjoys reading yaoi.  
>Fujoshi = a girl who enjoys reading yaoi.<br>Parings: SasuNaru, GaaNaru. Slight KakaIru.  
>Disclaimer: It is vox populi that I don't own Naruto.<p>

Fudanshi  
><em>Chapter One, otherwise named as 'The beginning'<em>

"_Hikaru knew that Jin was in love with him but… both of them were boys,"_ read Naruto with teary eyes. Naruto was aware of Kakashi-sensei's dull voice playing in the background but… how could he not keep on reading this new and fascinating recent yaoi manga he'd bought? If he stopped reading _Hikaru to kimi_ he would regret it forever! If he did, then all those insufferable queues and all those stares people would cast his way while he waited for his copy would just go to waste!

"_Hikaru was a pretty little blonde who, until very recently, thought only of his childhood crush, Kaoru, but then…HE came and changed everything!" _Naruto couldn't help but blush. This was gold, pure gold I tell you!

SMACK!

The sound of Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise hitting his unsuspecting head echoed in the room. Naruto let out a cry in frustration.

"What was that for?" he whined, feeling every pair of eyes upon him. He quickly hid his brand new manga under his Biology book and looked at Kakashi with an angry face. His teacher glared back at him with such intensity that Naruto decided it was best to leave it at that…for now.

_Man, I can't catch a break!_

"Now, now, be quiet and tell me what, exactly, mitosis is," said a very frightening (and apparently calmed) Kakashi, displaying a very eerie smile.

Naruto just sat there, trying to think, in search for the answer. _Alright, Naruto, you can do it, just calm down and think…think mitosis…think…._

Wow, thinking about something that actually wasn't yaoi was real hard, huh? But he was sure they've seen mitosis the last semester! Yeah, they had a class on that the very same day he'd acquired a very cute BL dating game…yeah…that's it!

Naruto opened his eyes with determination, and just when he opened his mouth to speak…

"Time's up! You hear that sound Naruto?" asked Kakashi while playing an air violin, "It's spelled D-E-T-E-N-T-I-O-N!"

"But…" Naruto started but, as always, Kakashi would have none of it.

"Alright, class, pair up in teams of three and…" he trailed off when he caught a glimpse of Iruka running through the hall just outside the class. Apparently, he was in a hurry.

"Never mind, kids, you're on your own!" and Kakashi was about to leave as he intended to when a very manly voice stopped him.

"Kakashi, you can't leave the class unless you have a proper replacement." The very manly and husky voice said from the back of the classroom.

_Teme,_ Naruto thought in annoyance.

_Sasuke!_ Thought the entire female population.

Kakashi tsk-ed. This kid surely knew more about school rules than he did. But, alas, he had to leave his dearest class alone. C'est domage! But…a man had to do what a man had to do. And so he made a very irresponsible and rushed decision.

"Okay, Shikamaru, you're in charge!" and he was off to chase poor Iruka to wherever he was heading to.

"Troublesome…" was Shikamaru's whispered response to no one. Then he proceeded to carry on with his nap and everyone, or almost everyone, celebrated.

So, Naruto tried to muffle the sound of people shouting and screaming, and talking…and then, yes, he proceeded to pick up his previously camouflaged manga and resumed his reading.

_"Oh, even if Jin looked like he had a stick up his ass; Hikaru soon found out this new kid, extremely rich and handsome, wasn't as unnerving as he thought…"_ Naruto read and instantly shivered with delight.

And he was so impossibly immersed in his reading he didn't, couldn't possibly realize, a certain someone was quietly staring at him, and quite longingly too.

* * *

><p>Yes, Naruto is a fudanshi. Quite like a fujoshi, only male. Oh, but don't blame him, if you ask him it was all Ino's fault. It happened like this:<p>

Naruto was getting ready for his date with Sakura. Alright, alright, it wasn't a _date_, properly speaking, but close enough! Ino, the most popular girl at Konoha High, was having a party at her house. Well…not a party, properly speaking… it was more like a get-together with her friends, but I digress.

Obviously, she'd invited her all-time favorite enemy, former best friend, and wickedly called "Forehead", Sakura Haruno.

Why was Sakura invited? Naruto had no idea. He figured it was some kind of girl thing to do, to invite your rival over just to brag about…girly things? Yeah, he had no idea, whatsoever. But! Sakura got to choose someone to go with her to the party, and she chose him.

Well, it wasn't like Naruto was her first choice, but Sasuke wasn't on speaking terms with her. Actually, no, Sasuke wasn't on speaking terms with anyone, period.

So, Sakura got stuck with Naruto, and so, Naruto's finally got his date. His first date ever!

"Are you ready yet or do I have to bring you down so we can GO?" asked Sakura, down from the staircase. Naruto gulped. He knew the pink-haired girl wasn't precisely known for her patience, so he hurried down the stairs almost tripping on the last step.

"I'm ready!" he shouted in a very bob-spongy way. Sakura rolled her eyes in response.

"Very funny, now let's go, I swear I want nothing but to get this over with!" Sakura took his arm and dragged him out of the house.

_Get this over with? Then why are we going to Ino's place! Honestly…_

"Oi, stop right there!" Oh, noes…that voice, and those steps that went "click click click". It was her! It was….

"Tsunade-sama!" Sakura bowed and promptly greeted her friend's mom while Naruto suppressed the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall.

"Let me take a picture of you two!" Tsunade grinned like a mad-man, or more like a mad-woman, being the case. Naruto bit his lip and Tsunade knew, she just knew this time she had him!

"A polaroid? Really, mom, really?" Naruto mocked her in a vain attempt to ease his nerves. Tsunade twitched.

"What was that?" she glared at her son. The brat, how dare he call her old! She was not old! She was in her best years, damn it!

"Nothing, nothing," was his murmured response. Sakura only stood there, slightly amused at the power she evidently had over Naruto.

"Now, smile!" and she got her picture, or, as you may call it, blackmail material.

"Ok, can we go now?" Tsunade nodded and Sakura and Naruto both ran towards Ino's house, which was only a few blocks away from Tsunade's.

When they got there, Ino Yamanaka opened the door and ushered them in. "Alright, guys, two new additions to the party have just arrived!" she said as she did the proper introductions. "Everyone, this is Forehead," Sakura frowned but just when she was about to correct her she spotted a very bored-out-of-his-mind Sasuke and forgot about it.

"…and this, this is…" Ino eyed him from head to toe. "What was your name?" she asked, and everyone's eyes turned to look at Naruto.

"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki…" he said sheepishly, while rubbing the back of his neck. Ino nodded impatiently, and pushed him aside as she went directly to where a now very annoyed-by-pink-haired Sasuke was.

So Naruto was pretty much left on his own.

_Jeez…so much for Sakura not leaving my side. _

"Hmm…hey…H-hey, Naru…Naru…"

Naruto turned around, only to find a timid girl with short hair, trying to start a conversation with him. "Naru…Naru…"

"Naruto, and you are?" he held his hand and she stretched it, then, as if realizing she touched his hand, she blushed and shook her head so fast, Naruto thought it might just snap off.

"Hinata…I…I..I'm Hinata," she said slowly, and then turned around on her toes and ran as far away from him as she could. Leaving, of course, a very confused Naruto behind.

"What was that all about?"

* * *

><p>"Everybody, gather up!" Ino shouted at some point of the evening. Naruto, who was at the moment talking to Kiba, a canine-like boy he'd seen at school before, turned his head to the source of the noise.<p>

All of Ino's guests sat around in a big great circle. Naruto sat in between Sakura and a boy called Shino (rumor has it, he barely speaks!)

"Right, so, now what?" asked Neji Hyuuga. Naruto opened his mouth forming an O. After all, Neji's look were a lot like Hinata's, but his attitude was a lot like Sasuke's if you think about it. Yeah, maybe he was a hybrid? At that thought, Naruto chuckled.

"Now we play truth or dare, Neji," she answered, unaware of the boy's anger beginning to rise.

Oh, dear…of course it had to be truth or dare! Naruto cocked his head to the side. This was gonna be so humiliating.

"Who wants to start?"

A few minutes later, Ino had successfully managed to make Lee drink a whole bottle of her mother's whisky and weird out Sasuke by asking him who he liked, getting no response.

Hinata had to do a weird dance, Neji had to do a perfect backflip (which he did without even sweating) and Shikamaru…well, he had to attach to his hair a pink ribbon.

Now, it was Gaara's turn to ask. Everybody was thinking so hard "let it not be me" trusting that, somehow, Kami-sama would hear them.

"Naruto…" Gaara's husky voice made itself heard.

Well, obviously Kami-sama didn't hear him plead!

Gaara slit his eyes and then…

"I want you to read this…" and he gave him a seemingly innocent manga. _Ha! Piece of cake!_ thought Naruto, quite content with his own dare.

But then… then it happened. His whole world unraveled.

"_Oh, please, let me cum!" _alright! So this was THAT kind of manga. Yeah, the kind of manga that old pervert at his former school would like. Naruto shuddered. No problem, he could still do it, right? He was Naruto, after all!

Right, so he turned over the following page.

"_Yeahhhh…you like it when I do this to you_, _don't you?"_ that's when Naruto's face experienced the FCC syndrome: Fast Color Changes. First his face turned white (_Is that a boy_?), then his face turned red (_Oh, my…it is_!), then his face turned a darker shade of red (_And they are both doing it?_) and then… he passed out.

Everybody eyed Gaara just a little frightened as he grabbed the manga, which was lying next to an unconscious Naruto, and then proceeded to put it into Naruto's bag.

His eyes clearly stated that should Naruto ever find out before he…obviously had to find out, then, well…let's just say Gaara would personally see to it that whoever did it would be crushed.

* * *

><p>Back home, Naruto found the book hiding in his bag soon enough and, since he never ever backed out on his word, he got on with the reading.<p>

Ok, so the manga went on and on about these two high school students, studying abroad at an all-boys boarding school. One of them, Hikaru, he was all girly like, but strangely, he had a strong character and never backed out on his promises.

So, yeah, he liked Hikaru. The guy seemed like a really nice, down-to-earth dude, so yeah, he'd have to give the authoress of the manga credit for that.

He kept on reading.

_Oh, nice one Hikaru! Yeah, tell the bastard who's the boss! Wait. No! Don't kiss him! Can't you see he'll break you in two! Huh? ... Oh, well, apparently, the bastard's into it. Go figure._

And Hikaru has an enemy, the student council's president, Jin, who was, much to Naruto's dismay, a complete jerk. Sure, sure, he was athletic; he had long, dark hair, and his body…what a body! But! He was, indeed, a jerk.

Kind of like Sasuke-teme…except Sasuke wasn't the least bit interested in boys, or in girls? Ok, now Naruto was guessing, but still!

"Naruto! Either you come down to dinner or I'll make you!" Tsunade yelled.

"Just a second!" Naruto yelled back at her. Like hell he would just come down to dinner without finishing his reading first!

_Wait, what? Book before food? Who am I?_

"It's not a book, it's a manga, so it's ok!" he reassured himself and finally, yes, finally finished the story. A quick glance at the clock and… It was eleven o'clock already? No! It couldn't be right!

Whatever…he'd come down and grab something later. Now, back to the manga!

He read it all over again. Maybe, because he was trying to make some sense out of it, he didn't know. I mean, first Hikaru hates Jin's guts and, apparently, Jin feels the same way about Hikaru. Then, somehow, Jin saves Hikaru from a fight and Hikaru falls head over heels for him! That was… that was wrong!

So, Naruto read it yet another time. This time, he picked up on something else… Hikaru's long-lost friend, Akira was also attending the same school and he was smitten with Hikaru!

But then, Naruto realized, there wasn't much more to the first volume of _Hikaru to kimi_. A little bit disappointed, he promised himself he'd eventually buy the following volumes...Just for the sake of knowing what happened next!

And thus, Naruto became engaged in the complicated world of yaoi.

* * *

><p>So…yeah, this is the first chapter! I promise I'll make the next ones more interesting than this one, I promise! Also, reviews are gold. Make me rich.<p> 


	2. The admirer

Fudanshi = a boy who likes yaoi.  
>Fujoshi = a girl who likes yaoi.<br>Disclaimer: it is vox populi that I don't own Naruto.

Fudanshi  
><em>Chapter Two, otherwise named as 'The admirer'<em>

Naruto was at the book store, flipping through the pages of the recently released new volume of Hikaru to kimi, when he felt an impossibly dark presence right behind him. He turned around but found no one. "Huh…mysterious…" he said to himself.

"Okay! Back to the manga!" and so he kept on reading when… the presence came back, full force. He turned around, and as expected…no one was there. This was becoming kind of annoying, really.

So he decided to ignore the obviously very devious person quietly observing him from the shadows and continued reading his…

"Are you going to buy that?" and people would not stop sneaking up on him!

"Will you stop doing that?" Naruto angrily turned around; ready to bust the bastard right up, but when he finally did turn around he found that this person…was none other than Gaara. The protagonist of this story gulped in sheer and unaltered fear.

Unbeknownst to Naruto, the redhead standing right in front of him, or previously behind him (whatever), was wearing the shop's dependent uniform. Not that Naruto was paying much attention to Gaara's attire when he clearly was in a death-life situation right there.

"I believe I said are you going to buy that?" the raccoon-like teenager asked again, his green eyes turning into two dangerous slits. Oh, he did not like to repeat himself.

Naruto blinked twice, looked at the manga he was still grabbing so firmly one would think his whole life depended on it, then back at Gaara, then back at the manga, then… he promptly dropped the manga and shook his head.

"No way!" he shouted, rubbing the back of his neck furiously. "I wasn't! I'm not into those…those…deliciously amazing mangas for girls! No, sir, no I am not!" _you are the greatest_ _Naruto, that will do_.

No, apparently, that wouldn't do. Gaara was still looking pretty unconvinced. Naruto had to think of something and quick.

"I…I just… It's not what you're thinking!" so brilliant! He congratulated himself on the most absurd, cliché excuse ever. Again, way to go, Naruto, way-to-fucking-go.

Right after he let those words out of his mouth, something quite unbelievable and improbable happened; something that any fan of the twilight zone, or One Step Beyond, would have pointed out as plain weird. Gaara smirked. In the most creepy and scary way possible, but that still didn't change the fact that Gaara was, indeed, sort of smiling.

"Naruto…" the mentioned one, in need of confirmation that this person in front of him was the real Gaara and not a smiley impostor, pinched Gaara's cheeks, earning himself a well-deserved punch in the head.

Okay, this was definitely the real Gaara.

"I put the first volume of Hikaru to kimi in your bag that day," and Naruto felt tempted to double-check the 'realness' of this Gaara when hearing these particular words coming out of his classmate's mouth.

"Come again?"

But the raccoon-like boy wasn't about to repeat himself for the third time that afternoon. Instead, he put the most recent volume of Hikaru to kimi back on Naruto's hands and simply stated "I'll give you a discount."

Naruto closed his mouth shut, deciding a discount sounded like some fair compensation for Gaara's weirdness and followed his new friend to the counter without further ado.

* * *

><p>"<em>See you at the yaoi con!"<em> such were the last words the authoress of Hikaru to Kimi decided to write right at the end of volume 12. To say Naruto was utterly happy about it would be the understatement of the year.

But…there was a teensy, tiny bit of a problem. Yaoi cons were filled with the most crazy and dedicated fan-base ever: The fujoshi. Those girls would put any other fangirl to shame. Of course, you'd find your typical fudanshi in the yaoi ranks here and there but… they were outnumbered.

Moreover, what if any of those fujoshi actually knew him from school? Oh, the horror!

So, Naruto had to be extremely clever. He had to enter the dark arts of cross-dressing to avoid any kind of harassment. He wasn't too happy about it, but… there was no way on Earth he'd miss the yaoi event of the year!

When he arrived at the yaoi con, he wasn't Naruto. No, sir, he was not! He was a really cute (yes, I said cute, deal with it) girl, with long brownish hair. Why brown you ask? Well, the reason is pretty simple… he couldn't get a hold of any blond wig.

"All the colors!" Naruto gasped. He was so marveled by everything that surrounded him!

The secretly blond male followed the sound of fangirls squealing and reached a stand which was, apparently, very popular.

It was incredibly crowded and packed, so Naruto just shrugged and kept on looking around, trying to find any more Hikaru to Kimi doujinshis to add to his collection.

_And the rest of the day went uneventful_. Oh, If only he could say so!

"Sorry…" he said when he bumped into someone. Actually, no. What he really said was, "Watch it, asshole!" but that could hardly be called feminine now, could it?

In front of him, a pissed off Sasuke Uchiha got up; ready to glare at whoever dared push him when he was in the middle of running away from such a scaring place. Who…oh, dear, a girl?

"Oh, it's you, teme," and that's when Naruto's well-thought and thoroughly calculated plan of action went tumbling down the hill. Realizing he messed up, big time, he covered his mouth with his hands.

Sasuke only arched one eyebrow. There was only one person in the whole world who would call him teme. And he was pretty sure, last time he checked said person was most definitely not a female.

* * *

><p>"Sasuke!" shouted fangirl number eleven. Fangirl eleven was particularly persistent. Why couldn't they take a hint and back off? Instead, Sasuke found himself fighting fangirls back and forth in order to get to work.<p>

Yes, one would think an individual as wealthy as Sasuke Uchiha wouldn't risk his beauty by working, but he did. He helped run the family business by being present at the events no one from his family wanted to attend to, even if they were sponsors of said events.

Last time, it was a beauty contest. It was Itachi's turn to replace Sasuke in attending to such an event but when Itachi failed to show up (like always, Sasuke mentally added) little ol' Sasuke had to go.

"Oh, c'mon, we'll only take a little detour to grab some coffee and be back in an hour!" fangirl two said, but then, fangirl eight and nine glared at her, preparing themselves for the battle. Who did fangirl two think she was, anyway?

When the commotion caused by the fangirls ceased (thankfully, no one was badly injured), Sasuke was long gone.

This time, Sasuke, found himself in the weirdest place he'd been. Apparently the yaoi manga business was proving profitable, since his family asked him to attend to the yaoi con that year but… Oh, why were there posters everywhere of boys snuggling and kissing and being all lovey-dovey with each other?

More importantly, why had no one warned him in the first place?

He was in the middle of pondering his misfortune when someone, a careless nobody, decided it was time to bump into him. He fell to the ground. Great, now his perfectly fine suit was covered in dirt!

"Watch it, asshole!"

Oh, but when he was about to reply in a very colorful way, he locked eyes with her. She was beautiful! She had long brown hair, blue eyes and was dressed in a blue dress that kind of looked like gotten from an Alice in wonderland production. She was bizarre, yes, but gorgeous.

But this girl… this girl had called him teme. No one called him teme! Then, it hit him… _Naruto!_

* * *

><p>"So I suppose you're related to Naruto Uzumaki?" and at this point, Naruto was convinced that there was a kami-sama in this world, after all.<p>

"Yeah…" he lied, suppressing the urges to scratch the back of his neck. That would have given him away for sure.

_What to do…what to do!_

Sasuke smirked visibly. "But I must say, you are nothing like that dobe," oh, dear, Naruto could practically feel Sasuke's intentions. He was trying harder than usual to come off as a super sex god. _Not good!_

"No," Sasuke continued while cornering the pretty Uzumaki girl, "you are much prettier than he is."

_How could I be prettier than myself? That doesn't make sense!_

"And you don't look like much of a dobe from where I'm standing…" Sasuke whispered, but this time, despite the proximity to Naruto's body, he did not sense the anger to his persona.

_Oh, no, he didn't! He's trying to pick me up by calling me a dobe? He's got some nerve!_

That was it! Naruto's pride was hurt, and when Naruto got hurt, he got loud (or louder). "What did you just call m…him! He's my cousin I mind you!" and that's how Naruto suddenly became his own female cousin.

Sasuke just gave him a lopsided grin.

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"My family sent me." was the only reply he got. Naruto just shrugged. He could care less about Sasuke-teme. That was as good a time as any to start praying to kami-sama to rescue him from Sasuke's awkward attempts at conversation.

But, it seemed that Kami-sama had more important matters at hands.

"What's your name?" Sasuke tried one more time.

_Think fast, Naruto, you can do it! Yes, you can!_

"Nar…I mean, Megumi, yeah, Megumi Uzumaki." Naruto answered as fast as he could. Obviously, the first option he could think of was something like "Naru-chan". He almost blurted out just that. Thank goodness he didn't!

"Well, Megumi, care to join me for a cup of coffee? It would only take you one hour tops."

Watching Naruto's face turn from red to white and his body go limp as a result of the shock only made Sasuke's already boosted ego boost some more.

_This reminds me of that time Hikaru punched Jin just because he was hitting on him…back when he still hated his guts. Maybe I should just kick him unconscious? Sounds like a plan!_

Naruto shook his head, "No, can do! Gotta run, I guess I'll see you around, Sasuke-teme!" and he ran off, right toward the stand where he knew, he just knew the authoress of Hikaru to kimi had to be.

Sasuke, on the other hand, frowned.

* * *

><p>Gaara passed Naruto his bento. The initial plan was for the two teenagers to exchange bentos, but as it turns out, Tsunade was way too lazy to cook Naruto's lunch, so instead, it was more like Naruto eating from Gaara's bento as the red-head watched him chow down on his food.<p>

"Yummy! So good!" the oddly silent teenager just nodded, inwardly pleased. He had a thing for cooking, after all. "Hey... sorry the old hag can't cook shit."

"Don't worry about it."

"Do you think Hikaru will choose Jin in the end?" Naruto had a special gleam in his eyes when asking that. Gaara just shrugged. Any passer-by wouldn't have noticed that he was, indeed, considering very seriously the blonde's question.

"It is possible but…" Gaara never finished his sentence. Naruto understood perfectly well, though.

"Yeah, I think Akira is more reliable than Jin, anyway." Naruto smiled, and then he stood up and began stretching. "Hey, you should have come to the convention, it was cool! Look…" and Naruto searched in his bag for the latest issue of Hikaru to kimi, which was autographed.

"Found it!" he handed it to a surprised (but not showing it) Gaara. "I'll lend it to you," he stated while grinning happily, "But I want it back next week!"

The other teen nodded almost undetectably. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you." And that was Gaara, being his usual angry and introverted self. Naruto smiled cheekily.

"Yeah, yeah, like I would tell," Naruto stuck up his tongue and then ran for his life.

* * *

><p>Faulty grammar and all, I hope you still liked it. Also, review and make my day. C'mon, you know you wanna.<p> 


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